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Monday, February 11, 2013

How I feel about the move

So, Gloria asked me to post about how I feel about the impending and in-the-process move. It's tough. There's a lot of conflicting feelings rolling around in my heart right now.
I love Seattle. I really do. I've been up here for 13 years and I've made my adult life up here. I've become the adult I am as a result of living and surviving Seattle. I got my shit together up here. I came out. I got therapy. I dated. I had a long term great job. I met life-long friends. I got my hearing aide up here. I became more me up here. I love the weather, the liberal politics, the rain, the multi-cultural nature, the open-mindedness. I love the fact that I could have a blue Mohawk and no one would look twice at me. My tattooed, pierced nature isn't freakish up here. It's my home like that. I can talk about things that I couldn't before I moved here. I really figured out who I am and what I'm capable of up here. I made my own family up here. I may not see them all the time but I love being close to all the great folks up here. That's not even including Jenn, who I'm eternally grateful for meeting. She's a morbid and wonderful joy in my life. I love it up here. I love the dim sum and cloudy days. I love tromping through the ID looking for anime and video games. I love the bookstores and I will deeply miss BLMF in the market, JB's an awesome guy I wish I'd gotten to play some PS2 games with. I miss my days of walking through the market and running into boat friends every other stall. My days of seeing Mouse and Stephanie around the market are long gone, but still fond memories. I will miss the coffee. I know, I'm not a fancy schmancy coffee drinker, I like mine black and strong and simple, but honestly I will miss the aroma of Seattle, coffee and rain. I will miss the Friends of the Seattle Library booksale. I loved going and spending hours upon hours perusing used books. I will miss all the cats in bookstores. I will miss Seattle, in so many ways a great deal. It's been my home. I will miss the Pirates, I will miss my friends, I will miss the gray skies. I console myself by saying I'll be back. Hopefully for a wedding, hopefully to see friends. Here's to hoping.

Mammoth...yeesh. Sure, Walter always said he wanted to go back, and I laughed and humored him. I never really ever thought it would happen though. Well, I did, back when we got married we initially thought about moving back, but put it on the back burner and we tried something else. Now, we're going to try Mammoth. There's a lovely family house we can stay at until we're on our feet again. I'm wary and excited. It's a tough combo. On one hand, I'm excited, a lot of people I love are close by: Dad, Mama Carol, Mama Janelle, Steve, Bill & Michele, Rachel & Todd and Cristian and Xander, Robyn and Mattie, Phillip, Dani, Ash, TJ, Claudia and Kevin, Sylvia, Rick, Brandi & Wintress, Geoff and Ann, Andy, Colleen and Donny, Mary and Bill and Jarrod, Mike and Jenny, my Aunts and Uncles, Megan...so many people that I haven't see in ages. This could be great. That said, it's still a big move. A lot is hinging right now on Walter getting a job. Although we have an inexpensive place to live and that will help us get on our feet financially, we still gotta find work and a car that works. Our friends (thank goodness for them!!!) have pitched in and helped, I'm staying with Jenn and Angel and Connie now, and Claudia was a sweetheart and fed Walter and Bill and Michele and Carol and Rach have all helped Walter get acclimated. Still, it's big.
 Something had to change though. The company I was working with sorta imploded and I just really can't work much now. Walter's going to take the mantle and run with it. Thank goodness for partnerships. I couldn't ask for a more awesome partner than Walter. He's da bomb. He's been willing to go down to a house that hasn't been occupied in 6+ years and get it all ready for me and the cats, and he's looking for work. It's tough on him, but I'm so grateful he's willing to go there with me, even after almost 5 years of marriage and an eternity as friends. He's a good human who deserves some major kudos. Not everyone will uproot their life for you twice.
Mammoth is tough, I'm not the kid I was when I left the area. I've gone to therapy, I've gotten myself together in a way that I never was living there. I'm whole and stable and happy and solid. I'm not the memory people have of me, it'll be a little weird, but probably largely good. I'm looking forward to being more independent (driving! Whoo hoo, Arizona roads I am going to make you my bitch) and in control of my life. The Seattle life gave me my chewy center, AZ will give me my hard candy shell.

1 comment:

  1. I had seen you post about moving, but had no idea you were moving back to Az!!! I hope the best for you and Walter. I understand moving away and finding yourself. It was hard for me to move back after 10 years in Montana, and I didn't even move to the hometown area. I hope that it all works out for you and you find much happiness! And may you enjoy fresh saliditos whenever you desire!