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Friday, January 6, 2012

Updates and Dr. apts and general neurosis

So, here's an update.

Izzy is still alive and kicking, in fact she's curled up asleep next to me. We did lose a cat, Dinger, last week and it still hurts. Technically, she was MGX & Angel's cat, but Walter and I got to know her like our own. We lived with her and Walter used to nightly fight her for the heater warmth. She will be dearly missed.

I've posted my last two posts about losing kitties. This will hopefully be the last such post in a while.

So, onward.
I have a doctor's appointment next week in an attempt to get ahold of the panic attacks I've been having. I'm hoping a basic blood test will help to figure out what is going on. It will be my first visit with the doctor so I'm nervous.  I don't know what to ask, and I'm worried about not being taken seriously. Also, I'm worried about what to mention, and what not to mention...
Either way, I'm glad to be seen. I've been having the attacks since mid-September and I'm worried that it is my PTSD taking new monstrous form. With any luck, the medical tests will help and if there's nothing wrong physically I can move on to looking for a therapist. Which, I'm dreading. Therapy was hard the first time, it won't be easier this time. Although, maybe I'll have an idea this time of what I'm looking for. I'm dreading the process of re-hashing my life over again with a new therapist, it's an arduous process.
I keep having comforting dreams, which really, for me, is unusual. Any day now my grandma will show up again in them. I had a dream the other night about owning a store, and having a mohawk, last night it was about meeting new friends. Usually, my dreams were about hiding and running from things that were chasing me and trying to kill me.
I wonder if my brain is just screwed on backwards some days.

Well, when I hear more, I'll post more. Hopefully the news will be better.
I'm hoping this upcoming year will be better than last year, which was quite rough.
~Here's to hoping...

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