Blue & Green, bottles & keys: Isabeau

So Today I am posting about my cat, Isabeau, aka Izzy aka Isz (as in the Isz from The Maxx comics). She's been my best friend since June of 1998, when she was given to me by Angel. She was and still is, the best birthday gift, ever. I love her a lot. I suppose that goes without saying. A couple of years back she got ill, turns out she was overweight and was getting UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections). She'd been ill before, once came home an Easter Sunday with a bite in her butt from running away from a dog ( the one that runs away lives to taunt another day) and another time she was lost for a week and came home dehydrated. After that, she became and indoor kitty only.

She also survived our apartment fire. On this date, 12 years ago, my apartment burned down. The Fire Department ruled it accidental. We think a lamp left on caught a couch on fire, or possibly an overheated computer cord caught the couch on fire. Either way, it was one highly flammable couch from Goodwill. All us humans survived, and the 4 kitties did too - Butters, Miracle, Winnie, and Izzy. All were taken to the local vet and put in the oxygen kitty chamber and we went and saw them after seeing the apartment damage. I was actually at the airport about to board when my Dad called me and told me the apartment burned down, so eventually had to make my way back to the apartment and see the damage, and then see the kitties. They were all a little damaged (later we found out all of their lungs have damage from the smoke inhalation, it's noticeable on their x-rays)

Well, Izzy was the one cat they ended up calling me the next day and saying "Hey, you need to come in here and be with her, she might not make it". So, I had found her magic blanket (the one in the above photo with her and her sweet Papa) and I washed it the day before at Jody's. I went in that day with the Magic Blanket and stayed the day with her, and sure as shit, the cat perked up over the course of the day. It really is the Magic Blanket. It certainly is for her. If ever there was a cat like Linus...that would be Izzy. She sits and suckles it and purrs on it, and heaven forbid it's getting washed, she looks at you like you've taken away her air. Silly dang cat.

You know, I don't even remember when got so attached to the blanket. I remember getting her, and using the blanket as a cover so her tiny kitten claws wouldn't tear me up every time she was on my lap, but I can't remember when she got so stinking attached to it. Anyhow, she loves the blanket more than me, but that's okay, as long as she still loves me.

And she does love me, and she's learned to love Walter too, oodles. They spent a lot of time bonding when I would go to work, she'd stay indoors and scream at him, just like the red-headed step-child she is (kidding folks). She loves him oodles.

So, all of this pains me, because she is getting older and her bits aren't functioning the same as they did a few years back. Sure, she's lost weight and is a slimmer kitty, but her UTIs have come back, and she was in a lot of pain this morning, and I'm worried this is the start of her health going downhill.

This blows. It brings me a great deal of pain to think of my furry kids in pain and unhappy and falling apart. Shoot, it brings me pain to think of anyone in pain and falling apart, even I don't like the person.
Thing is, I'm responsible for her and her health and I'm worried that we can't afford to take her in to the vet every month to get her bits looked at (which is what we were doing 2 years ago, but things have changed, my health and Walter's health have become priorities), and I don't want her in pain all the time, so the thought of having her put to death (I can't say put to sleep, it's not accurate, it sounds nicer sure, but it's a lie), has crossed my mind. I'm someone who grew up in the desert, I lost pets to coyotes. I know everyone's time comes some day, and because I'm responsible for her, being her protector and caregiver, that when her pain is too often and great (and at some point I can't afford financially to take her in all the time) and she is too miserable I'm going to have to have her put down. I'm dreading this. It breaks my heart. She's been my friend for over a decade. I raised her from 3 months old on. She's been my cat. She was there through breakups and moves and all kinds of problems. But, I feel that I owe her the most happy, and painless, life I can give her. So, when the time comes, and it may be sooner than I'm ready for, I know I'm doing the right thing. But there will always be a selfish part of me that will want her to live forever, but in reality I must do right by her.