This blows. It brings me a great deal of pain to think of my furry kids in pain and unhappy and falling apart. Shoot, it brings me pain to think of anyone in pain and falling apart, even I don't like the person.
Thing is, I'm responsible for her and her health and I'm worried that we can't afford to take her in to the vet every month to get her bits looked at (which is what we were doing 2 years ago, but things have changed, my health and Walter's health have become priorities), and I don't want her in pain all the time, so the thought of having her put to death (I can't say put to sleep, it's not accurate, it sounds nicer sure, but it's a lie), has crossed my mind. I'm someone who grew up in the desert, I lost pets to coyotes. I know everyone's time comes some day, and because I'm responsible for her, being her protector and caregiver, that when her pain is too often and great (and at some point I can't afford financially to take her in all the time) and she is too miserable I'm going to have to have her put down. I'm dreading this. It breaks my heart. She's been my friend for over a decade. I raised her from 3 months old on. She's been my cat. She was there through breakups and moves and all kinds of problems. But, I feel that I owe her the most happy, and painless, life I can give her. So, when the time comes, and it may be sooner than I'm ready for, I know I'm doing the right thing. But there will always be a selfish part of me that will want her to live forever, but in reality I must do right by her.