Universal translator

Website Translation Widget

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Someone today asked me if I was pregnant and if that was why my stomach was bothering me. I refrained (and I think I should get kudos for this dangit) from running from the building pulling out my ovaries. I shudder to think of myself as ever pregnant. Seriously, what a horrible idea that would be. No matter what people try to tell me, ya know "you'd be a great mom" "You're great with kids" etc, I know better. I don't want to ever be pregnant and I don't want the responsibility of raising children. Period. I love the children and the people who used to be children in my life, but I don't feel comfortable with that level of responsibility in my life. I can barely take care of myself most days. I'm lucky I'm upright, mobile and employed. Hell, I'm lucky I'm not psychotic with disassociative tendencies. Not everyone should have and raise kids. Really. I know, humans are narcissistic creatures, we live to live on. I don't.
I've known this most of my life. I wasn't meant to be a parent, I'm lucky I am a spouse. It's never had anything to do with my partner.
People like to leave legacies. At some point a great many people get kind of obsessed with leaving a "mark" on the world. Some do it by having kids, earning awards or degrees, job promotions, going out and doing charity work, etc. I haven't for the most part done that. Sure, I have a degree and I think in my mid-20s I started to get the "I've got to DO SOMETHING with my life" bug, but it died.
I refocused when I hit 28 or so, went into therapy and looked inwards and tried to repair the wiring and circuits. I did a pretty good job and now, all I want in my life is whatever happiness I can find. I simplified a bit. I decided that my life was important all on its own and that I don't need anything else to validate it, including a legacy. So what if no one remembers I lived 100 years from now. What does that matter, some day we will all disappear from the books and records and there will be no one left who remembers us. It doesn't make your life any more or less important.
ok, those are my thoughts on this. Maybe more later...

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh, I totally saw that exact same cake platter in a Home Goods store like two years ago and have wished it would some how find its way into my life. They had it for half that price though, damn it, I really did miss a bargain.